June 19, 2006

The Horrors of Lady Elaine


My eyes!!!

A keen friend referred me to the unbelievable mashness of Lady Elaine Fairchilde from Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. This chardonnay-loving she-puppet exudes staggering amounts of mash from each and every enlarged pore on her frighteningly engorged nose (speaking of "ew").

A quick google search unearthed a treasure trove of commentary on the Lady. An entire message board details her mash-like qualities without quite knowing how to articulate that creepy, dirty feeling.

I'll let these folks speak for themselves:
i used to have nightmares about lady elaine, the woman who lived in that spinning thing... in my nightmares, [she] used to appear in my clothes inside of my closet. and if a kid's show can do that, it must be evil.

I hated all the puppets, especially that scary red-nosed Lady Elaine and her stupid rotating museum thing

... between the ages of 3 and 6 I kept confusing Lady Elaine and Nancy Regan. They were both scary middle aged women who dressed in red and lived in a house with ionic columns.

Lady Elaine Fairchild was creepy and mean in her Museum-Go-Round.

I really really loved this show when i was little but when [Mr. Rogers] went to puppet world and... to Lady Elaine's house i would have to shut my eyes and cover my ears...I was completely terrified by lady elaine i had to sleep with my dad for 5 years and i would have nightmare that she would be right out my window and i thought if I would get up at night she would grab my feet under the bed..I know its sounds stupid but this show scared me for life..DAMN YOU LADY ELAINE AND YOUR STUPID RED NOSE


Sure, kids love this kind of stuff!

I have to wonder, are all puppets scary-mash or do Lady Elaine and the Sleestaks uniquely possess mash's elusive je ne sais quoi?

UPDATE: Lady Elaine Fairchilde, the blog. Kinda awesome.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

horrifying!

erin is gross said...

hi cristy.

when i clicked to find out that your keen friend was me, i saw that weird and very old photo of myself. it reminded me that i STILL have your jacket that i borrowed for that party...almost two years ago. i'm a bad friend.

dj L.A. said...

WOW, this blog hasn't ceased to amaze me. In fact it just keeps getting better and better. If Christy's definition of "mash" was added to the dictionary, then surely Lady Elaine's picture would have to be next it.

*oh, and not to mention her voice. her voice rivaled her look in mashiness.

liz said...

one of my recurring nightmares as a child involved being trapped inside a moving vehicle in which the driver (often, my mother) would suddenly disappear. in several versions of this horrifying dream, the car would be careening through mister roger’s neighborhood of make-believe – nearly smashing into L.E.F.'s museum-go-round and that weird blue owl's tree house.

p.s. i just did a google search to make sure that blue bird was actually an owl. i was right – it was an owl – an owl named “x.” x?!?!? suspect.

p.p.s. speedy delivery = even more suspect

Anonymous said...

holy crap, cristy. this is amanda and i've often wonder how you will reveal your genius to the world. . . i am pleased to see this blog.

on to lady elaine: no more than three weeks ago i entered into a discussion about that booze-hound of a puppet and her "intoxicating" merry-go-round. her voice was certainly the most fear inducing sound, and her spastic movement was confounding.

and is it me, or did king friday and his child-bride, queen saturday, come straight from coto de caza? check out sara's description:http://pbskids.org/rogers/make_believe/queen_char.htm

Rebecca Aguilar said...

Lady Elaine Fairchilde, a counter voice to that tool, King Friday XIII, was the only character willing to stand up to his control-freak edicts and pronouncements!

The only people I've ever known who have been horrified by "that Fairchilde" are eldest children.

Rebecca Aguilar said...

Lady Elaine Fairchilde, a counter voice to that tool, King Friday XIII, was the only character willing to stand up to his control-freak edicts and pronouncements!

The only people I've ever known who have been horrified by "that Fairchilde" are eldest children.

Cristy said...

it's true, i am an eldest child. yet, i think the horrors of lady elaine's rosacea span across the barriers of birth order, uniting us all.

Purple Panda said...

And...I'm back!

Come, and learn to love Lady Elaine.

Big Daddy said...

I think that whole puppet scene was weird--LEF looked like a bad alcoholic ....along with KF--this seemed to reflect some sexual deviance of Mr. R---something weird was going on.

Andelay! said...

i can't believe i found this site... i was trying to explain to a co-worker of mine (who is from colombia and is therefore unfamiliar with mr. rogers) the horrors of lady elaine, who used to chase me around family reunions in my dreams with a huge knife in hand. her red nose and her burnt looking face, along with that voice... i've never looked at a puppet the same way again.

Tika said...

Up until I was 8 years old I could not sleep facing my bedroom door. Whenever I did, I would hallucinate that Lady Elaine would come and beat me up. It was so insanely creepy, and to this day I still have nightmares of her in my home and trying to kill me. She is the bane of my existence. And zombies.

Gina said...

I used to pull my feet up on to the chair or couch so she wouldn't get my feet from under the couch! That beast that she is!

louise said...

I googled lady elaine to get a pic to send to my friend to show her what my boss looks like. can you believe? a human lady elaine??it's f***ing true!

Anonymous said...

does anyone think sometimes bill clinton has a lady elaine-esque look about him, with his shiny red nose and cheeks?

Anonymous said...

She never scared me, and her rotating museum rocked! Now Henrietta Pussycat.... There's one worth pulling the stuffing out of.

Anonymous said...

She scared me to death. When I was a little kid, I had a dream that she was dragging me into a dark room by my legs. I was screaming, but no sound would come out of my mouth and my parents were just a few feet away. It is so funny that other people were freaked out by her.

Anonymous said...

there is support: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Lady-Elaine-from-Mr-Rogers-used-to-scare-the-shit-out-of-me/125046217527280

Anonymous said...

OMG!!!! Yeah she was scary... No more than a roller coaster, or the neighborhood crazy person your mom told you to stay away from. I always thought she was the crotchety old spinster that was doomed to a solitary life. Some of these comments though.....Abso f'ing hilarious. Great Blog!!!

Vinnny said...

I resent the fact that you people are making fun of my beloved Mister Rogers, and his cute puppets. He was a wonderful man, and I truly admire him. He was kind and cared for little children, and his show made me feel happy, loved, and secure. His television house was like a safe haven. I will agree, puppets like Lady Elaine and Cornflake S. Pecially are a bit physically menacing, but don't bash the man. He is one of the greatest men in history, and he certainly does not deserve the reproach you people are alloting. If anyone from Family Communications are reading this, I love Fred Rogers and the legacy lives on!

Ramblin' Pete said...

Yes! I had horrible nightmares as a kid that involved her popping out from closets and behind curtains, screaming and shreiking... I used to dread watching Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, but I was so little that I didn't know enough to ask a parent to change the channel.

(Sesame Street was also on Channel 13 and I guess it was just an accepted fact that many afternoons it would be on our tv.)

Yeah, anyway I was so traumatized that to this day I have an overbearing hatred of all things puppet related. The muppets never scared me, but as a kid I frequently had bad dreams about puppets and marionettes chasing me, and I could barely look at the hideous photos on this blog without fearing an onset of Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome.



Things got so bad that finally my mother, perhaps tiring of being awakened by a hysterical three-year-old night after night, finally actually wote a letter explaining my bad dreams to Mr. Rogers, and sent it off to the Children's Television Workshop.


About a month later we received an actual letter back...from Mr. Rogers himself! So...what do you think this beloved, "kind and learned" icon of millions said?

Did he alleviate the fears of a frightened child by explaining that what was scaring me was merely an inanimate piece of wood and cloth?

Nice Try.... NO!!! Mr. Rogers actually wote a letter back explaining that Lady Elaine was simply "different" and that she wanted to be my friend, or something... I don't know...I forget exactly what, but it was awful.

In other words, he replied explaining everything as if this scary, hideous puppet that gave me horrible nightmares throughout my childhood was, in fact, REAL, and
that she was out there somewhere...lurking...


Despite the sainthood conferred upon him by many misguided individuals, I emphatically maintain to this day that Mr. Rogers was an evil motherfucker.

Anonymous said...

You people are crazy...scared of a puppet....sad....idiots....then calling someone evil....that you don't even know...I'll put money on the fact that most of y'all have a social disease.......I call it liberalism........small minds think alike..

Anonymous said...

Lady elaim f looks like a evil ass witch