Museum of Mailbox Art

Growing up, my family had our mailbox smashed and destroyed weekly. A lucky confluence of factors led to this enviable claim-to-fame: 1) a long driveway shrouded by trees that neatly concealed the culprits’ identities; 2) a mailbox positioned at the pinnacle of a hairpin curve, perfect for the drive-by; 3) two high school aged siblings, me and my bro; 4) an anti-litter crusading father who frequently leaped out of moving cars to scold kids from my school for “gifting” Carl’s Jr. cups to the neighborhood.

So, as you might guess, mailboxes are a touchy subject for me. I refuse to get attached to these postal receptacles. This, apparently, is not the case for these folks, who’ve created some pretty radical mailbox folk art.

Mail call!

"The Ben Dover"


"The Hammer"


"The Microwave"


"The Camera"


"The Uncle Sam"


"The Ass"

(via Sam's Mailbox Picture Collection and my new fave website, MOOM)

Suds Away!

Now in a "new hunky aroma"!

Snack Mash

Old timey packaging? Check.
Maraschino cherry preserves? Check.
"An American favorite since 1918"? You know it.
Cop with baton caricature? But, of course!

Caricature-iffic!

Head on over here to get your very own M*A*S*H* mural!


Or, a Regis and Kathie Lee commemoration:


Or, a blazing hot Eddie Murphy portrait:


A question for the ages: Does Kathie Lee manage to out-mash M*A*S*H*?

UPDATE: Check out this vintage clip of Jon Stewart doing a Kathie Lee impersonation!

Mash for Lovers

A friend recently alerted me to the extreme mashiness of romance self-help guides. As noted elsewhere, words like "lover" and "intimate" are already off-limits, and I'd like to extend that prohibition to "keep that spark alive" how-to's.

Case-in-point: Lovetripper.com's How to Make Every Trip a Honeymoon.
WARNING: This list of "do's" is not for the faint of heart!

How to create that loving feeling, the highlight reel:

• Watch for falling stars. Don’t forget to make a wish!
• Splurge with a helicopter or a submarine tour to take your love to new heights—or depths.
• Buy sleeping bags that zip together.
• Find a daisy—or a hibiscus or sunflower or any other local flower—and play “he loves me, he loves me not.” Each positive answer gets a kiss.
• Find a hayride and hop aboard.
• Gather seashells, pine cones or tiny pebbles. Create a heart at your door’s threshold.
• Go for a walk in the rain—wearing nothing but raincoats.
• Hop aboard a ferry. Kiss every time the ship’s horn sounds.
• If a rain shower arises, don’t let it dampen your day—go for a sensuous stroll.
• Pick flowers to match your partner’s eyes.
• Play hide and seek in a fragrant garden.
• Roll up your pants and wade along the water’s edge as you hold hands.
• See how long you can kiss underwater.
• Sit in a spring field and see how many wildflowers you can count together.
• Take a romantic rock or leaf hunt as you stroll or hike. Search for heart—or more risqué—shapes.
• Visit a marina and “window shop” to select your favorite vessels. Daydream about charting a course around the world, just the two of you.
• Take a hike and pick up small items along the way like a twig, a dried leaf, a feather, or a smooth pebble. That night, blindfold your partner and sensuously stroke the items across his or her bare skin. See if your lover can identify the item.
• Watch the clouds and imagine shapes in their puffy forms. Feeling naughty? The two of you can point out your own R—or X—rated shapes.

Yachts are always romantic, much like fragrant gardens, hayrides, and, of course, the sensuous stroke of a dirty feather across a lover's chest.

Très romantique!

Weekend Recipe: Grilled Pizza on the BBQ

This little recipe combines two of my favorite things: pizza and grilling. Plus, it's super easy, which totally rules. Plus Pizza Hut is totally mash.

Ingredients:
- Pizza dough (I buy the ready-to-go whole wheat dough from Trader Joe's)
- Pizza sauce (I get the kind in a jar, also from TJ's, but you can use tomato paste and add herbs)
- Assorted veggie toppings
- Shredded mozzarella cheese

Roll the dough into a ball and cut it into four equal sections.
Flatten each section (with hands or a rolling pin) into a pizza shape, maybe 1/4" to 1/2" thick.
Brush each side with olive oil.
Toss onto a pre-heated grill and grill each side a couple of minutes until there are grill marks. Don't worry - it won't seep through the grills.
Meanwhile, you should also be grilling your veggies and toppings.
Remove pizza crusts and add sauce, (pre-cooked) toppings, and cheese.
Put pizzas back on the grill for 3-5 minutes or until desired crispness.

Enjoy!


My family loves it! (Just kidding. That's someone else's family.)

It's All in a Name

You know you'll get a great hairdo at this place!

Let's kick it up a notch

M*A*S*H* in caricature form!

"Suicide is Painless" is quite painful, actually

The M*A*S*H* theme song, "Suicide is Painless," is literally the affective kernel that spawned the mash theory phenomenon. It embodies that depressing, creepy strain of nostalgia that sends young children (me) running to hide in closets and under beds at the knell of even the first three notes.

Stereogum has compiled three covers of the timeless tune.

Now you can relive those memories on demand!

(Merci, Mephisto!)

Word 'em up

You know how there are certain words that gross you out? Particular words that spawn a distinct twinge of mash and/or squeamishness when uttered?

I'd like to share a few of my most shuddery words. I think, for many of them, you'll concur:

• moist
• ointment
• supple
• pudding
• tender
• lover (in conversational use, not in the case of the musical smash hit, "Easy Lover")
• juicy
• creamy
• yoghurt (when spelled with an "h")
• crust (except when referring to pizza)

Are you sufficiently grossed out? Feel free to add your own dirty words in the comments.

Not Mash: Campus Ladies

As the theme song chimes, "Little misfits, gonna be a big hit."

I've got a fever for the Campus Ladies!

It's rare that the Oxygen Network gets it right but this little comedy gem is on the money if you love raunchy hilarity... which I definitely do. Joan and Barri are forty-somethings who become party-hopping, dorm-living college freshmen, navigating the ways of buying beer for minors, the technicalities of pube grooming, and the trickiness of casual sex. It's funny, I swear.

Curb Your Enthusiasm's Cheryl Hines executive produces and episodes regularly feature ridiculous guest spots like...

- Maya Rudolph as a lesbian feminist women's studies professor who tries to imagine "woman" without the "man" (hint: say "wo" really slow and with feeling)
- Paul Reubens as a long-haired, new-age (of course) drama teacher who helps the ladies get in touch with their "inner spirit"
- Best of all is the "Outrageous Outtakes" episode. Okay, I completely hate those super lame blooper shows. Thankfully, this is not one of those. These outtakes are mostly dirty, dirty adlibbing that didn't make it to air. So freaking spray-milk-out-of-your-nose funny.

8ish-minute versions of all video episodes are available for FREE in the iTunes Music Store.

Please enjoy. Joan and Barri really really want you to.

Mashionalism!

What could be more Mash or more American than patriotic clowns? Happy 4th!

I love Clowny Uncle Sam!

USA clown toys and pillows: Fun for the whole family!

Heck, get Mom and Aunt Sue in on the fun!

One part clown + One part flag + One part Christmas ornament
= TOTAL FUCKING MASHIONALIST DOMINATION!