LA News Radio Jingles

Part of the experience of growing up in LA is listening to LA radio. Power 106, Pirate Radio, KROQ, KDAY, KIIS -- so many fun and fond memories of cruising along to a soundtrack of favorite songs. Totally not mash.

But... Listening to boring AM talk radio in your Republican dad's car on the way to school in the morning? Super, duper mash. A friend recently reminded me of the AM radio jingles of my childhood and I can still hear them now.

Some classics:

"All you need to know... KNX 1070 News Radio"
Listen: KNX Mash Medley

"KFWB News 98. You give us 22 minutes, we'll give you the world."
Listen: KFWB jingles from the '50s

"KFI in the Sky"
Listen: KFI shudders

And lastly, someone has taken the important step of creating a medley of SoCal radio jingles on YouTube.

Mama's Family: Bad Mash, Reaaaally Bad

Vicki Lawrence in greyface, the twang, the apron,
the brown-hued living room... 

...shivers....

More shivers....

Blossom: Good Mash!

Awkward pre-teen classic!

Thank you, Mayim Bialik!

Olde Timey Reenactors

As previously mentioned, historical reenactment is mash...  RenFaire, Civil War, Celtic Warriors, Frontiersmen -- yes, yes, yes and hell yes.

According to Wikipedia, reenactors divide themselves into three categories:

1. FARBs: "Far be it from authentic" (which is amazing, btw) or "Fast And Researchless Buying" (also ridiculous)

"Farbs" or "polyester soldiers" spend relatively little of their time or money maintaining authenticity with regard to uniforms, accessories, or even period behavior. See also "Good enough attitude." 

2. Mainstream: somewhere between "farb" and "authentic"

Make an effort at appearing authentic, but may come out of character in the absence of an audience. 

3. Progressive: "hard-core authentics," "authenticity nazis," or "progressives."

Hard-cores seek an "immersive" reenacting experience, including eating seasonally/regionally appropriate food, sewing inside seams and undergarments in a period-appropriate manner, and staying in character throughout an event. They also carry this to extremes for periods where archaeological or historical data is lacking; for example, refusing to accept items that are known to have been used in earlier and later periods but which have no known evidence for their specific period. Yeah, pretty damn mash.

Some photographic evidence, from Wikipedia's entry on the subject:

image via MamaGeek on wikipedia

image via Megatonman on wikipedia

image via wikipedia

Whilst googling "reenactor," I stumbled upon this archive of mash horror, www.reenactor.net, "the worldwide online home of reenacting."

Sometimes, mashness speaks for itself, oftentimes in Geocities-style web design:

My favorite part of this website is the incredibly intricate subcultures and subdivisions of reenactment and time periods.  When I clicked on "Frontier Period," I learned the following:

What does "Frontier Period" mean? Well, in reality, it covers quite a lot... In fact, the Frontier Period covers so much area, we just HAD to make a separate area for it--much like we are going to now try and do for the RenFaires...

These subdivisions include (but are not at all limited to):

-- Frontier Era Buckskinning and Muzzleloading Parent Organizations of American Mountain Men and Fur Trade (um, WHAT?)
-- Coalition of Historical Trekkers
-- Replica Percussion Revolver Association
-- National Rifle Association (shocker)

I can't wait to see the RenFaire breakdown.

And on another note: 
Check out this total Farb I saw in Paris over the weekend.

Confederate Pride Knows No Bounds (of Time OR Place)

First off... Hi!

A few random commenters have so very sweetly encouraged me to continue spreading the mash gospel so... I am back (kinda). Reporting temporarily from the front lines of Paris to expose the dark underbelly of transatlantic mashness.

Second of all, flag-waving, GIT-R-DONE American pride is seriously mash... and seriously embarrassing to fellow Americans, especially when abroad.  BUT, what about when it's racist too? Or when it's a crazy confusing and gross window display in my quaint Parisian neighborhood?  Très bizarre!

Wow. I love this French interpretation of "American style." Who wants an awesome souvenir? 

Cobwebs

Having an old-ass blog with a bunch of broken images and links is pretty mash.  You're better than this, Turner.

Doin' it LA-style

Get ready for the rebirth. LA is a new beast for Mash Theory to tackle.

Collectible MASH

Antique stores and their oddities can sometimes take a turn for the mash with their olde timey broken jewelry boxes, dusty ashtrays, and stained rag dolls.

Now imagine a world where there are an infitine number of such strange treasures.
Welcome to ebay.

Case-in-point:
Vintage Baby Picture 1920s Blanket Real Hair LOOK!!!

From the seller:
"Here is a wonderful unique collectible. It is from the 1920s era and is 12.5" by 9.75". It is a print out of a baby nestled in a real blanket & pillow set that has lace around the outside. The baby also has real hair!!"

See for yourself:


Wha???

This is so wrong it almost swings all the way back to right again... but then it doesn't. Not even close.

And the MASH Goes On

R.I.P. Robert Altman (February 20, 1925 - November 20, 2006)

Holiday Mash

I've been a little heavy on the old war theme so I thought I'd lighten it up with a holiday-themed post. This is especially fitting after being forcefully thrust into holiday mode by my employer yesterday.

So, you know what's mash (besides Thanksgiving as a whole)? When, on November 14, every inch of public office space is saturated with lights, wreaths, mini trees, ornaments, tinsel, and candy canes. This is suppose to boost morale?!?


Does this count as workplace violence?

All Wars Are Not Created Equal

So, I've been TA'ing a class all about American war and memory. In reading about wars like WWI ("The Great War") and WWII ("The Good War") and Vietnam ('Nam) and the Civil War ("War of Brothers"), I've overwhelmingly decided that the Civil War is the most MASH of all.

The Civil War earns this distinction for several reasons, two of which include it's overwhelming old timey-ness and, you know, that whole slavery thing. But it starts to get very weird and journey into new levels of MASH in its aftermath almost 150 years later (yes, we were fighting to keep slaves just 150 years ago).

I'm talking about the world of contemporary Civil War reenactors.

These are die-hard Civil War buffs who spend all of their time, money, and energy recreating the CW battles on the original battlegrounds wearing original soldier garb with original gunpowder rifles and cannons... every weekend. Oh, and the Rebels of today are still fighting to keep the Confederate flag waving on government buildings. (It still flies on the grounds of South Carolina's capitol).

Anywho, just to give you a glimpse of the Fabulous Life of Reenactors, here's a video tribute I found. Keep in mind, this is filmed in 2006! And to add mash on top of mash, it's sepia-toned!!!

105th PVI 2006

From the People of the USA

via travlr on flickr

M*A*S*H* Costumes

Still need a costume? Already planning for next year?

Get your "Mash Doctor" costume here. Just $79!


OR, for the same low price, you can be a Mash doctor in a Hawaiian shirt!


Still no? Ok, ok. I have the perfect look for you.

Mash priest! And the costume even includes a straw hat. You know how priests in the Korean War dress. This is authentic, folks!
  

Mashtastic!

I'm Baaaaaack

Hello.

In order to commemorate one of the mashest days of the year, I'm back in the saddle.

So, why is today mash, you ask? A list:

1. Daylight savings and, thus, any residual feelings of summertime goodness, are officially gone.


2. Sunset was at 5:12pm today, and by November 30, it will be dark by 4:50pm. If that's not depressing, I don't know what is. Also, dusk is by far the mashest part of the day, period.


3. I slept until 1:15pm today. With the time change it was 12:15 but, still, that's just gross.


4. Adding insult to injury, today is Sunday. School is tomorrow, 60 Minutes is on tonight, you know the drill.

Can you feel it?


Other generally mash days:

• Christmas PM (presents are already opened, nothing on TV, nothing to do, stuck at home)


• Thanksgiving PM (see Christmas PM, except minus gifts, plus turkey hangover)


• New Year's Day (you're hung over, everything's closed, and nothing's on TV except football and the Rose Parade.)

The Rose Parade is SO mash.

As a matter of fact, I will be so bold as to say that the months of October - December generally champion the highest mash factor of the year. Get ready folks, we're just settling in for the storm.

Now can you feel it?

Mash Round-Up

The beauty of the mash theory is that everyone has their own special mash touchstones, their own versions of the shudder. Fabulous friends and fans of mashtheory have been sending theirs my way.

I’ve compiled a list for all to enjoy:

• The twangy childhood song, “There’s a Hole in the Bucket, Dear Liza.” That Spearhead did a version ups the ante on the mash factor, in my book. (thanks, laurin)


• Back-to-school commercials. The excitement of new school clothes never cancels out the sad, inevitable fact that end of summer is nigh. (merci, erin)


• Being jolted awake every Sunday morning to the blasting sounds of Catholic sermons wafting from the kitchen. (gracias, sanders)





• Mass-produced St. Pauli’s Girl fraulein outfits, sold in the German version of Mervyn’s. I’d add that Mervyn's in general qualifies. (danke, jenne)







• Apple's ready-made suggestions for “heartfelt” iPod engravings for loved ones. Share the sweet "earthly delights" of technology. Wha??? (much appreciated, lizzz)

Well done, friends! Keep 'em coming!

Me, Luke, and our Green Chrysler LeBaron

My teen bop dreams have finally come true!

Dollarshort has created an online version of the super-fun MASH game that was the absolute highlight of my young life. My 4th grade fieldtrip to the La Brea Tar Pits just wouldn't have been the same without it. Hunched down in the bus seats, laughing 'til my sides hurt, I rolled the dice to see if Corey Haim or Corey Feldman and I would live in a mansion or a shack and drive a VW Rabbit or a Pinto.

I've dramatically re-enacted my pre-teen selections for your viewing enjoyment below. I think this version of my life turned out pretty well. I think Luke Perry would agree.



Try it out! You can choose girls or boys! Brazil or Japan! A Stanger or a PT Cruiser! What's your MASH life?

MASH Sense Memory: Childhood Smells

If you grew up in Southern California and spent any amount of time at Disneyland, you may remember that musty, wonderful smell of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride.

You’re on the boat, gliding through the cricket-filled swamplands where the old guy with a corn-cob pipe sits in his rocking chair, and you descend into the pirate caves. The air fills with a dank, slightly moldy (in a good way) aroma and you know the fun is about to begin. (And by fun, I mean the prison caves where detainees try to trick the dog into giving them the key, of course.)

Anyway, sometimes, when I turn on the air conditioning in my car, it smells like that for a couple of seconds. I love it. It’s a shining example of the good kind of mash that reminds you of the radness of being a kid and having the best time.

Now if only I could transmit smells via the internet to share the mustiness with you…

(Thanks to Staup-Money for jolting my memory!)

Faking It

On a bad date with no end in sight? Trapped at drinks with coworkers at a sports bar called Froggy's? Feeling unpopular and want to pretend you have friends? Feeling low and need undeserved gratuitous compliments? Feeling mashed out by the fact that you have no friends?

The Popularity Dialer is here!

A couple of NYU art students created this handy little insta-friend service. You sign up online to have your phone called at a particular time, and half of a conversation plays on the other end. The faux conversations are hilarious - especially the "female voice" popularity call!

Choose between four call options:
1)The original popularity call (male voice)
2)The popularity call II (female voice)
3)The affirmation call
4)The boss call (aka the "return to the office to deal with the xerox machine" call)

Don't you feel more popular already?

You can make others feel popular, too! I've already sent the affirmation call to a couple of friends who just might love being told how radical and wonderful they are... while in a work meeting with the boss, of course.

Drink Recipe: The Cheech

It's been a long week. Hell, it's been a long six weeks. Today is the last day of summer school (so mash). I feel like Mark Harmon and that calls for a drink.

Named after Cheech Marin and, apparently, a favorite sippin' specialty of a certain band, this little concoction will get you straight into weekend mode. It's tequila, but don't be scared. It's delicious.

Ingredients:
Patron Silver tequila
Tonic
Lime (fresh or Rose's)
A dash of Sprite
Ice


Tequila: What's to be afraid of?

Museum of Mailbox Art

Growing up, my family had our mailbox smashed and destroyed weekly. A lucky confluence of factors led to this enviable claim-to-fame: 1) a long driveway shrouded by trees that neatly concealed the culprits’ identities; 2) a mailbox positioned at the pinnacle of a hairpin curve, perfect for the drive-by; 3) two high school aged siblings, me and my bro; 4) an anti-litter crusading father who frequently leaped out of moving cars to scold kids from my school for “gifting” Carl’s Jr. cups to the neighborhood.

So, as you might guess, mailboxes are a touchy subject for me. I refuse to get attached to these postal receptacles. This, apparently, is not the case for these folks, who’ve created some pretty radical mailbox folk art.

Mail call!

"The Ben Dover"


"The Hammer"


"The Microwave"


"The Camera"


"The Uncle Sam"


"The Ass"

(via Sam's Mailbox Picture Collection and my new fave website, MOOM)