Mash Theory

LA News Radio Jingles

2010-12-15T17:25:00.000-08:00

Part of the experience of growing up in LA is listening to LA radio. Power 106, Pirate Radio, KROQ, KDAY, KIIS -- so many fun and fond memories of cruising along to a soundtrack of favorite songs. Totally not mash.

But... Listening to boring AM talk radio in your Republican dad's car on the way to school in the morning? Super, duper mash. A friend recently reminded me of the AM radio jingles of my childhood and I can still hear them now.

Some classics:

"All you need to know... KNX 1070 News Radio"
Listen: KNX Mash Medley

"KFWB News 98. You give us 22 minutes, we'll give you the world."
Listen: KFWB jingles from the '50s

"KFI in the Sky"
Listen: KFI shudders

And lastly, someone has taken the important step of creating a medley of SoCal radio jingles on YouTube.

Mama's Family: Bad Mash, Reaaaally Bad

2010-12-06T14:56:00.001-08:00

Vicki Lawrence in greyface, the twang, the apron,
the brown-hued living room...

...shivers....

More shivers....

Blossom: Good Mash!

2010-12-06T14:43:00.000-08:00

Awkward pre-teen classic!

Thank you, Mayim Bialik!

Olde Timey Reenactors

2010-06-01T11:08:00.001-07:00

As previously mentioned, historical reenactment is mash... RenFaire, Civil War, Celtic Warriors, Frontiersmen -- yes, yes, yes and hell yes.

According to Wikipedia, reenactors divide themselves into three categories:

1. FARBs: "Far be it from authentic" (which is amazing, btw) or "Fast And Researchless Buying" (also ridiculous)

"Farbs" or "polyester soldiers" spend relatively little of their time or money maintaining authenticity with regard to uniforms, accessories, or even period behavior. See also "Good enough attitude."

2. Mainstream: somewhere between "farb" and "authentic"

Make an effort at appearing authentic, but may come out of character in the absence of an audience.

3. Progressive: "hard-core authentics," "authenticity nazis," or "progressives."

Hard-cores seek an "immersive" reenacting experience, including eating seasonally/regionally appropriate food, sewing inside seams and undergarments in a period-appropriate manner, and staying in character throughout an event. They also carry this to extremes for periods where archaeological or historical data is lacking; for example, refusing to accept items that are known to have been used in earlier and later periods but which have no known evidence for their specific period. Yeah, pretty damn mash.

Some photographic evidence, from Wikipedia's entry on the subject:

image via MamaGeek on wikipedia

image via Megatonman on wikipedia

image via wikipedia

Whilst googling "reenactor," I stumbled upon this archive of mash horror, www.reenactor.net, "the worldwide online home of reenacting."

Sometimes, mashness speaks for itself, oftentimes in Geocities-style web design:

My favorite part of this website is the incredibly intricate subcultures and subdivisions of reenactment and time periods. When I clicked on "Frontier Period," I learned the following:

What does "Frontier Period" mean? Well, in reality, it covers quite a lot... In fact, the Frontier Period covers so much area, we just HAD to make a separate area for it--much like we are going to now try and do for the RenFaires...

These subdivisions include (but are not at all limited to):

-- Frontier Era Buckskinning and Muzzleloading Parent Organizations of American Mountain Men and Fur Trade (um, WHAT?)
-- Coalition of Historical Trekkers
-- Replica Percussion Revolver Association
-- National Rifle Association (shocker)

I can't wait to see the RenFaire breakdown.

And on another note:
Check out this total Farb I saw in Paris over the weekend.

Confederate Pride Knows No Bounds (of Time OR Place)

2010-05-31T06:01:00.000-07:00

First off... Hi!

A few random commenters have so very sweetly encouraged me to continue spreading the mash gospel so... I am back (kinda). Reporting temporarily from the front lines of Paris to expose the dark underbelly of transatlantic mashness.

Second of all, flag-waving, GIT-R-DONE American pride is seriously mash... and seriously embarrassing to fellow Americans, especially when abroad. BUT, what about when it's racist too? Or when it's a crazy confusing and gross window display in my quaint Parisian neighborhood? Très bizarre!

Wow. I love this French interpretation of "American style." Who wants an awesome souvenir?

Cobwebs

2010-03-18T22:20:00.001-07:00

Having an old-ass blog with a bunch of broken images and links is pretty mash. You're better than this, Turner.

Doin' it LA-style

2007-11-19T17:53:00.001-08:00

Get ready for the rebirth. LA is a new beast for Mash Theory to tackle.

Collectible MASH

2006-11-24T10:37:00.000-08:00

Antique stores and their oddities can sometimes take a turn for the mash with their olde timey broken jewelry boxes, dusty ashtrays, and stained rag dolls.

Now imagine a world where there are an infitine number of such strange treasures.
Welcome to ebay.

Case-in-point:
Vintage Baby Picture 1920s Blanket Real Hair LOOK!!!

From the seller:
"Here is a wonderful unique collectible. It is from the 1920s era and is 12.5" by 9.75". It is a print out of a baby nestled in a real blanket & pillow set that has lace around the outside. The baby also has real hair!!"

See for yourself:

Wha???

This is so wrong it almost swings all the way back to right again... but then it doesn't. Not even close.

And the MASH Goes On

2006-11-21T10:14:00.000-08:00

R.I.P. Robert Altman (February 20, 1925 - November 20, 2006)

Holiday Mash

2006-11-15T14:15:00.000-08:00

I've been a little heavy on the old war theme so I thought I'd lighten it up with a holiday-themed post. This is especially fitting after being forcefully thrust into holiday mode by my employer yesterday.

So, you know what's mash (besides Thanksgiving as a whole)? When, on November 14, every inch of public office space is saturated with lights, wreaths, mini trees, ornaments, tinsel, and candy canes. This is suppose to boost morale?!?

Does this count as workplace violence?

All Wars Are Not Created Equal

2006-11-15T08:46:00.000-08:00

So, I've been TA'ing a class all about American war and memory. In reading about wars like WWI ("The Great War") and WWII ("The Good War") and Vietnam ('Nam) and the Civil War ("War of Brothers"), I've overwhelmingly decided that the Civil War is the most MASH of all.

The Civil War earns this distinction for several reasons, two of which include it's overwhelming old timey-ness and, you know, that whole slavery thing. But it starts to get very weird and journey into new levels of MASH in its aftermath almost 150 years later (yes, we were fighting to keep slaves just 150 years ago).

I'm talking about the world of contemporary Civil War reenactors.

These are die-hard Civil War buffs who spend all of their time, money, and energy recreating the CW battles on the original battlegrounds wearing original soldier garb with original gunpowder rifles and cannons... every weekend. Oh, and the Rebels of today are still fighting to keep the Confederate flag waving on government buildings. (It still flies on the grounds of South Carolina's capitol).

Anywho, just to give you a glimpse of the Fabulous Life of Reenactors, here's a video tribute I found. Keep in mind, this is filmed in 2006! And to add mash on top of mash, it's sepia-toned!!!

105th PVI 2006

From the People of the USA

2006-11-02T10:35:00.000-08:00

via travlr on flickr

MASH Costumes

2006-10-31T15:55:00.000-08:00

Still need a costume? Already planning for next year?

Get your "Mash Doctor" costume here. Just $79!

OR, for the same low price, you can be a Mash doctor in a Hawaiian shirt!

Still no? Ok, ok. I have the perfect look for you.

Mash priest! And the costume even includes a straw hat. You know how priests in the Korean War dress. This is authentic, folks!

Mashtastic!

I'm Baaaaaack

2006-10-29T18:56:00.000-08:00

Hello.

In order to commemorate one of the mashest days of the year, I'm back in the saddle.

So, why is today mash, you ask? A list:

Daylight savings and, thus, any residual feelings of summertime goodness, are officially gone.

Sunset was at 5:12pm today, and by November 30, it will be dark by 4:50pm. If that's not depressing, I don't know what is. Also, dusk is by far the mashest part of the day, period.

I slept until 1:15pm today. With the time change it was 12:15 but, still, that's just gross.

Adding insult to injury, today is Sunday. School is tomorrow, 60 Minutes is on tonight, you know the drill.

Can you feel it?

Other generally mash days:

Christmas PM (presents are already opened, nothing on TV, nothing to do, stuck at home)

Thanksgiving PM (see Christmas PM, except minus gifts, plus turkey hangover)

New Year's Day (you're hung over, everything's closed, and nothing's on TV except football and the Rose Parade.)

The Rose Parade is SO mash.

As a matter of fact, I will be so bold as to say that the months of October - December generally champion the highest mash factor of the year. Get ready folks, we're just settling in for the storm.

Now can you feel it?

Mash Round-Up

2006-08-15T17:50:00.000-07:00

The beauty of the mash theory is that everyone has their own special mash touchstones, their own versions of the shudder. Fabulous friends and fans of mashtheory have been sending theirs my way.

I’ve compiled a list for all to enjoy:

The twangy childhood song, “There’s a Hole in the Bucket, Dear Liza.” That Spearhead did a version ups the ante on the mash factor, in my book. (thanks, laurin)

Back-to-school commercials. The excitement of new school clothes never cancels out the sad, inevitable fact that end of summer is nigh. (merci, erin)

Being jolted awake every Sunday morning to the blasting sounds of Catholic sermons wafting from the kitchen. (gracias, sanders)

Mass-produced St. Pauli’s Girl fraulein outfits, sold in the German version of Mervyn’s. I’d add that Mervyn's in general qualifies. (danke, jenne)

Apple's ready-made suggestions for “heartfelt” iPod engravings for loved ones. Share the sweet "earthly delights" of technology. Wha??? (much appreciated, lizzz)

Well done, friends! Keep 'em coming!

Me, Luke, and our Green Chrysler LeBaron

2006-08-10T12:36:00.000-07:00

My teen bop dreams have finally come true!

Dollarshort has created an online version of the super-fun MASH game that was the absolute highlight of my young life. My 4th grade fieldtrip to the La Brea Tar Pits just wouldn't have been the same without it. Hunched down in the bus seats, laughing 'til my sides hurt, I rolled the dice to see if Corey Haim or Corey Feldman and I would live in a mansion or a shack and drive a VW Rabbit or a Pinto.

I've dramatically re-enacted my pre-teen selections for your viewing enjoyment below. I think this version of my life turned out pretty well. I think Luke Perry would agree.

Try it out! You can choose girls or boys! Brazil or Japan! A Stanger or a PT Cruiser! What's your MASH life?

MASH Sense Memory: Childhood Smells

2006-08-09T14:23:00.000-07:00

If you grew up in Southern California and spent any amount of time at Disneyland, you may remember that musty, wonderful smell of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride.

You’re on the boat, gliding through the cricket-filled swamplands where the old guy with a corn-cob pipe sits in his rocking chair, and you descend into the pirate caves. The air fills with a dank, slightly moldy (in a good way) aroma and you know the fun is about to begin. (And by fun, I mean the prison caves where detainees try to trick the dog into giving them the key, of course.)

Anyway, sometimes, when I turn on the air conditioning in my car, it smells like that for a couple of seconds. I love it. It’s a shining example of the good kind of mash that reminds you of the radness of being a kid and having the best time.

Now if only I could transmit smells via the internet to share the mustiness with you…

(Thanks to Staup-Money for jolting my memory!)

Faking It

2006-08-07T09:14:00.000-07:00

On a bad date with no end in sight? Trapped at drinks with coworkers at a sports bar called Froggy's? Feeling unpopular and want to pretend you have friends? Feeling low and need undeserved gratuitous compliments? Feeling mashed out by the fact that you have no friends?

The Popularity Dialer is here!

A couple of NYU art students created this handy little insta-friend service. You sign up online to have your phone called at a particular time, and half of a conversation plays on the other end. The faux conversations are hilarious - especially the "female voice" popularity call!

Choose between four call options:
1)The original popularity call (male voice)
2)The popularity call II (female voice)
3)The affirmation call
4)The boss call (aka the "return to the office to deal with the xerox machine" call)

Don't you feel more popular already?

You can make others feel popular, too! I've already sent the affirmation call to a couple of friends who just might love being told how radical and wonderful they are... while in a work meeting with the boss, of course.

Drink Recipe: The Cheech

2006-08-03T09:37:00.000-07:00

It's been a long week. Hell, it's been a long six weeks. Today is the last day of summer school (so mash). I feel like Mark Harmon and that calls for a drink.

Named after Cheech Marin and, apparently, a favorite sippin' specialty of a certain band, this little concoction will get you straight into weekend mode. It's tequila, but don't be scared. It's delicious.

Ingredients:
Patron Silver tequila
Tonic
Lime (fresh or Rose's)
A dash of Sprite
Ice

Tequila: What's to be afraid of?

Museum of Mailbox Art

2006-07-28T10:27:00.000-07:00

Growing up, my family had our mailbox smashed and destroyed weekly. A lucky confluence of factors led to this enviable claim-to-fame: 1) a long driveway shrouded by trees that neatly concealed the culprits’ identities; 2) a mailbox positioned at the pinnacle of a hairpin curve, perfect for the drive-by; 3) two high school aged siblings, me and my bro; 4) an anti-litter crusading father who frequently leaped out of moving cars to scold kids from my school for “gifting” Carl’s Jr. cups to the neighborhood.

So, as you might guess, mailboxes are a touchy subject for me. I refuse to get attached to these postal receptacles. This, apparently, is not the case for these folks, who’ve created some pretty radical mailbox folk art.

Mail call!

"The Ben Dover"

"The Hammer"

"The Microwave"

"The Camera"

"The Uncle Sam"

"The Ass"

(via Sam's Mailbox Picture Collection and my new fave website, MOOM)

Suds Away!

2006-07-26T07:50:00.000-07:00

Now in a "new hunky aroma"!

Snack Mash

2006-07-24T10:35:00.000-07:00

Old timey packaging? Check.
Maraschino cherry preserves? Check.
"An American favorite since 1918"? You know it.
Cop with baton caricature? But, of course!

Caricature-iffic!

2006-07-19T13:40:00.000-07:00

Head on over here to get your very own M*A*S*H* mural!

Or, a Regis and Kathie Lee commemoration:

Or, a blazing hot Eddie Murphy portrait:

A question for the ages: Does Kathie Lee manage to out-mash M*A*S*H*?

UPDATE: Check out this vintage clip of Jon Stewart doing a Kathie Lee impersonation!

Mash for Lovers

2006-07-17T13:50:00.000-07:00

A friend recently alerted me to the extreme mashiness of romance self-help guides. As noted elsewhere, words like "lover" and "intimate" are already off-limits, and I'd like to extend that prohibition to "keep that spark alive" how-to's.

Case-in-point: Lovetripper.com's How to Make Every Trip a Honeymoon.
WARNING: This list of "do's" is not for the faint of heart!

How to create that loving feeling, the highlight reel:

Watch for falling stars. Don’t forget to make a wish!
Splurge with a helicopter or a submarine tour to take your love to new heights—or depths.
Buy sleeping bags that zip together.
Find a daisy—or a hibiscus or sunflower or any other local flower—and play “he loves me, he loves me not.” Each positive answer gets a kiss.
Find a hayride and hop aboard.
Gather seashells, pine cones or tiny pebbles. Create a heart at your door’s threshold.
Go for a walk in the rain—wearing nothing but raincoats.
Hop aboard a ferry. Kiss every time the ship’s horn sounds.
If a rain shower arises, don’t let it dampen your day—go for a sensuous stroll.
Pick flowers to match your partner’s eyes.
Play hide and seek in a fragrant garden.
Roll up your pants and wade along the water’s edge as you hold hands.
See how long you can kiss underwater.
Sit in a spring field and see how many wildflowers you can count together.
Take a romantic rock or leaf hunt as you stroll or hike. Search for heart—or more risqué—shapes.
Visit a marina and “window shop” to select your favorite vessels. Daydream about charting a course around the world, just the two of you.
Take a hike and pick up small items along the way like a twig, a dried leaf, a feather, or a smooth pebble. That night, blindfold your partner and sensuously stroke the items across his or her bare skin. See if your lover can identify the item.
Watch the clouds and imagine shapes in their puffy forms. Feeling naughty? The two of you can point out your own R—or X—rated shapes.

Yachts are always romantic, much like fragrant gardens, hayrides, and, of course, the sensuous stroke of a dirty feather across a lover's chest.

Très romantique!

Weekend Recipe: Grilled Pizza on the BBQ

2006-07-12T22:23:00.000-07:00

This little recipe combines two of my favorite things: pizza and grilling. Plus, it's super easy, which totally rules. Plus Pizza Hut is totally mash.

Ingredients:
- Pizza dough (I buy the ready-to-go whole wheat dough from Trader Joe's)
- Pizza sauce (I get the kind in a jar, also from TJ's, but you can use tomato paste and add herbs)
- Assorted veggie toppings
- Shredded mozzarella cheese

Roll the dough into a ball and cut it into four equal sections.
Flatten each section (with hands or a rolling pin) into a pizza shape, maybe 1/4" to 1/2" thick.
Brush each side with olive oil.
Toss onto a pre-heated grill and grill each side a couple of minutes until there are grill marks. Don't worry - it won't seep through the grills.
Meanwhile, you should also be grilling your veggies and toppings.
Remove pizza crusts and add sauce, (pre-cooked) toppings, and cheese.
Put pizzas back on the grill for 3-5 minutes or until desired crispness.

Enjoy!

My family loves it! (Just kidding. That's someone else's family.)

It's All in a Name

2006-07-12T19:14:00.000-07:00

You know you'll get a great hairdo at this place!

Let's kick it up a notch

2006-07-10T13:39:00.000-07:00

M*A*S*H* in caricature form!

"Suicide is Painless" is quite painful, actually

2006-07-09T15:41:00.000-07:00

The M*A*S*H* theme song, "Suicide is Painless," is literally the affective kernel that spawned the mash theory phenomenon. It embodies that depressing, creepy strain of nostalgia that sends young children (me) running to hide in closets and under beds at the knell of even the first three notes.

Stereogum has compiled three covers of the timeless tune.

Now you can relive those memories on demand!

(Merci, Mephisto!)

Word 'em up

2006-07-06T15:50:00.000-07:00

You know how there are certain words that gross you out? Particular words that spawn a distinct twinge of mash and/or squeamishness when uttered?

I'd like to share a few of my most shuddery words. I think, for many of them, you'll concur:

moist
ointment
supple
pudding
tender
lover (in conversational use, not in the case of the musical smash hit, "Easy Lover")
juicy
creamy
yoghurt (when spelled with an "h")
crust (except when referring to pizza)

Are you sufficiently grossed out? Feel free to add your own dirty words in the comments.

Not Mash: Campus Ladies

2006-07-05T20:12:00.000-07:00

As the theme song chimes, "Little misfits, gonna be a big hit."

I've got a fever for the Campus Ladies!

It's rare that the Oxygen Network gets it right but this little comedy gem is on the money if you love raunchy hilarity... which I definitely do. Joan and Barri are forty-somethings who become party-hopping, dorm-living college freshmen, navigating the ways of buying beer for minors, the technicalities of pube grooming, and the trickiness of casual sex. It's funny, I swear.

Curb Your Enthusiasm's Cheryl Hines executive produces and episodes regularly feature ridiculous guest spots like...

- Maya Rudolph as a lesbian feminist women's studies professor who tries to imagine "woman" without the "man" (hint: say "wo" really slow and with feeling)
- Paul Reubens as a long-haired, new-age (of course) drama teacher who helps the ladies get in touch with their "inner spirit"
- Best of all is the "Outrageous Outtakes" episode. Okay, I completely hate those super lame blooper shows. Thankfully, this is not one of those. These outtakes are mostly dirty, dirty adlibbing that didn't make it to air. So freaking spray-milk-out-of-your-nose funny.

8ish-minute versions of all video episodes are available for FREE in the iTunes Music Store.

Please enjoy. Joan and Barri really really want you to.

Mashionalism!

2006-07-03T17:57:00.000-07:00

What could be more Mash or more American than patriotic clowns? Happy 4th!

I love Clowny Uncle Sam!

USA clown toys and pillows: Fun for the whole family!

Heck, get Mom and Aunt Sue in on the fun!

One part clown + One part flag + One part Christmas ornament
= TOTAL FUCKING MASHIONALIST DOMINATION!

A New Level of Internet Stalking

2006-06-30T11:33:00.000-07:00

Much like the losers from this Onion article, I'm obsessed with examining the minutiae of mash theory visitors.

And my research has paid off. I'm pleased to announce that this little old blog is google's #1 search result for the phrase "cody matherson can i borrow a feeling." Woo hoo! It feels good at the top.

Other searches that have brought strangers far and wide to my little corner of the world?
"mash theme song scary"
"worst album covers can i borrow a feeling"
"who is voice of lady elaine fairchild"
"puppet lady creepy"
"puppet lady scary feelings"

and my personal fave:
"swimming in oil and vinegar simpsons"

Happy Friday!

2006-06-30T10:06:00.000-07:00

rad, creepy, mashy image by machine

Also Mash: Discount Furniture Stores

2006-06-29T11:14:00.000-07:00

You walk into the showroom to peruse multiple pre-fabricated living rooms, family rooms, bedrooms, and dining rooms in miniature.

There's lots and lots of plaid. Also, lots of stained wood. Also, it's a sunny Sunday afternoon and all you want to do is go home and watch your damn cartoons.

What is it about Sunday afternoons that makes things so much mashier?

Word of the Day

2006-06-24T09:18:00.000-07:00

I'm a big dork - for many reasons - but one of them is my love for word of the day from dictionary websites. Lots of days I barely look, and when I do I barely care. But some days, a real treasure pops up.

Case-in-point, word of the day for Saturday, June 24:
Brobdingnagian: gigantic; enormous.

What a great frickin' word!

Five syllables, all nearly unrecognizable. It sounds like it'd be fun to say with an Irish accent. It has "ding" as a syllable. It's capitalized for no apparent reason; I imagine it as an ironic name given to one of the thumb-sized Lilliputians from Gulliver's Travels. It totally sounds like it could be.
"Oh, that Brobdingnagian - his eyes are bigger than his stomach! He thinks he's the size of Gulliver, don't he?"

Not that appetizing, actually

2006-06-22T08:45:00.000-07:00

Another treat from the UK:

Can food be mash?

Memory Lane: Not a Vacation Destination

2006-06-22T07:59:00.000-07:00

If vacations can be mash, which I certainly think they can (ghost towns, anyone?), this little museum in Wales might just be at the top of the itinerary.

Looks fun, right?

Specializing in old mechanical toys, tin boxes, broken dolls, educational games, and early trains, cars, and airplanes, the Museum of Chilhood Memories sends chills down my spine... and not in a good way.

A few snippets of the reviews? Coming right up:

Every room, every exhibit, breathes the Magic of Childhood.

From Nursery and tin plate toys to teddy bears and arcade games, there is something for every age group to relate to. [by "every" they mean "none"]

From an historical angle, it illustrates visually the habits and interests that brought pleasure to families over the past 150 years. [hurray for the historical pleasures of the family! nope, not mash at all.]

God, so many great memories of these old friends.

Book your ticket today!

The Face of a Generation

2006-06-20T11:04:00.000-07:00

Steve Aoki, aka DJ Kid Millionaire, aka everywhere's resident hipster, has moved beyond his role as music maestro, Benihana heir, and women's studies scholar (scroll down for that one) to become the future of fashion... or, at least, beauty.

It seems that MAC Cosmetics' new line, Boy Beauty, draws hefty inspiration from the DJ muse, methinks.

See for yourself!

MAC clues us in to the new Aoki-inspired look:

What does a boy want? Same as the girls. Flawless skin, immaculate brows, soft-to-kiss lips. All incorporated into a collection destined to define, condition, and add glowingly handsome "boy beauty" to your looks. Girls can try it too!

I'll take two of everything, stat!

The Horrors of Lady Elaine

2006-06-19T18:47:00.000-07:00

My eyes!!!

A keen friend referred me to the unbelievable mashness of Lady Elaine Fairchilde from Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. This chardonnay-loving she-puppet exudes staggering amounts of mash from each and every enlarged pore on her frighteningly engorged nose (speaking of "ew").

A quick google search unearthed a treasure trove of commentary on the Lady. An entire message board details her mash-like qualities without quite knowing how to articulate that creepy, dirty feeling.

I'll let these folks speak for themselves:

i used to have nightmares about lady elaine, the woman who lived in that spinning thing... in my nightmares, [she] used to appear in my clothes inside of my closet. and if a kid's show can do that, it must be evil.

I hated all the puppets, especially that scary red-nosed Lady Elaine and her stupid rotating museum thing

... between the ages of 3 and 6 I kept confusing Lady Elaine and Nancy Regan. They were both scary middle aged women who dressed in red and lived in a house with ionic columns.

Lady Elaine Fairchild was creepy and mean in her Museum-Go-Round.

I really really loved this show when i was little but when [Mr. Rogers] went to puppet world and... to Lady Elaine's house i would have to shut my eyes and cover my ears...I was completely terrified by lady elaine i had to sleep with my dad for 5 years and i would have nightmare that she would be right out my window and i thought if I would get up at night she would grab my feet under the bed..I know its sounds stupid but this show scared me for life..DAMN YOU LADY ELAINE AND YOUR STUPID RED NOSE

Sure, kids love this kind of stuff!

I have to wonder, are all puppets scary-mash or do Lady Elaine and the Sleestaks uniquely possess mash's elusive je ne sais quoi?

UPDATE: Lady Elaine Fairchilde, the blog. Kinda awesome.

Mash Memories: Land of the Lost

2006-06-19T13:46:00.000-07:00

This may be a controversial one, but Land of the Lost epitomizes Mash so fully and completely that I can't let it slide. The grainy, greenish film quality, the surreal timelessness, and the sci-fi pupeteering gave this young lassie nightmares for years.

Oh, and the Sleestaks... the absolutely terrifying Sleestaks.

[[[shudder]]]

Ya feel me?

EXCLUSIVE: Can I Borrow a Feeling?

2006-06-16T18:16:00.000-07:00

Simpsons Jokes Not as Original as They May Seem

So, a few days ago, I got an email titled, "The Worst Album Covers of All Time."

One of the featured masterpieces is super sexy Cody Matherson's album, Can I Borrow a Feelin'?

Sexy Town, Population 1

Ring any bells, Simpsons fans? It's the same name as the demo tape created by Kirk van Houten on a ridiculously funny episode from 1996. van Houten's song - a real classic, btw - later ended up on a Simpsons soundtrack.

The copyright-infringing van Houten holding the infamous demo tape.

That's right, folks! You heard it here first!

I can't resist...

2006-06-16T17:56:00.000-07:00

Cats that look like Hitler. Hilarity ensues.

(via defamer)

iPoo

2006-06-15T15:35:00.000-07:00

(link via Gawker, but that genius headline is all mine)

Not a joke: Get your own here.

Linksssss

2006-06-15T14:16:00.000-07:00

How to cheat good.

"Let's face it, if he can't find the time to work on a mortgage for a famous celebrity, how will he handle the average person?"

"Gay" is the new "rubbish"... hmmm

Mash Across America

2006-06-14T17:06:00.000-07:00

Mash dispatch from the field!
Laurin sends in her list of mash-tastic treats from the heartlands of this great country of ours. From Oakland to New York, The List:

Highway political advertising: "Hell is Real"; "It's Not a Choice, It's a Life"; and the entire Ten Commandments
All of Ohio, but, more specifically, a Walmart in Mansfield with an unusually high number of "Gummo-like" characters. Missing teeth, stains, and medical walkers were just the tip of the iceberg
"Restaurant" (mash in a good way): towns so small that there's literally no need to specify which "restaurant" it is. Many offer helpful reading materials at your table, like, "You know your dating a woman if..."
Nashville's "indie scene"
Chinese buffets on Route 70, generally in asphalt motel complexes, conveniently located near dirty swimming pools
The billboard: "If you can wish, you can believe"
Namaste bumper stickers
The windowless trailer as thrift store [ed. note: this sounds pretty rad to me!]
Reno wellness coordinators who answer the phone at 4am...actually, wellness coordinators in general

Thanks, Laurin! Keep on truckin'!

The Highs & Lows of Writing a Dissertation Prospectus

2006-06-14T16:22:00.000-07:00

As experienced by me:

low: getting started (see post below)
high: realizing you've written other papers that can "offer" material
low: staring at the computer screen for days on end
low: mysteriously and painfully tweaking neck muscles after staring at the computer for days on end while exhibiting very poor posture
high: rereading what you've written and thinking, "damn, that's kinda good"
low: rereading only to realize that what you've written doesn't make a lick of sense
high: completing a chapter description
high: inventing new sandwiches
low: getting up at 5am (i went to grad school to *not* get up at 5am)
low: dreaming about prospectus-writing
high: in the dream, your friend tells your sleepy dad a heart-warming story about pearl jam while you're whole family laughs in bed together, charlie bucket-style
low: carpal tunnel syndrome
high: finishing! woo hoo!
low: revising all summer long

Things to do instead of writing a paper

2006-06-12T16:21:00.000-07:00

The things I've done today to not write my paper:
1. make three new song playlists
2. edit said playlists
3. play with the cats
4. brush the cats
5. use the cats as pillows
6. experiment with sandwich recipes
7. make a delicious new sandwich by adding sauerkraut to standard grilled cheese and avocado
8. refresh email every 30 seconds
9. write a blog post
10. check the anemic visitor logs to said blog... several times...
11. pluck eyebrows
12. feed the turtle
13. IM with friends all day long
14. plan a birthday party
15. not take a shower

Winnie the Pooh = MASH

2006-06-11T21:40:00.000-07:00

Ew.

Despite being voted "the nation's favorite animal character" in a disturbing new survey, Pooh is no friend of mine.

And neither is the person who got this tattoo.

WTF?!?

Grandmaster Flashdance

2006-06-11T21:20:00.000-07:00

In 1983, a young film student directed a decidedly DIY video for the seminal song, "White Lines." That plucky young director? Spike Lee. The cast? Lawrence Fishburne and a team of modern interpretive dancers.

Awesome '80s NY visuals... and some very literal lyrical interpretations, often expressed through jazz hands. Sweet!

Animal House... with Cats!

2006-06-09T15:35:00.000-07:00

Part Big Brother, part America's Next Top Model, it's the Meow Mix House, a wonderfully terrible new reality show starring cats. Ten rescued kitties will duke it out in weekly contests like "Best Purr" and "Top Post-Climber" (What about Stinkiest Breath? Longest Bad Smell Face?).

In voiceovers and blogs (blogs!), you can even get to know each cat's personality.

When a cat gets voted out, it will move to a permanent home and get a year's supply of Meow Mix as a consolation prize.

Cisco looks pretty tough...

But what about these two sweet guys?

Animal Planet will air three-minute segments from 9-10pm on Fridays starting June 16.

Speaking of Mash...

2006-06-09T09:57:00.000-07:00

Yet another reason not to accept candy from strangers.

Prince Meets Sly Stone Meets Funkadelic... or something

2006-06-07T23:17:00.000-07:00

Jamie Lidell: not as angry as he seems.

I was in Miami a few months ago and was lucky enough to catch a set by British funk/soul/electronica extraordinaire, Jamie Lidell. He's got an elaborate set-up with all kinds of devices, computers, drum machines, samplers, and microphones but he's a performer. The utter boredom inspired by laptop musicians is well-documented elsewhere, but it seems Lidell is trying to push the model. Styley Lidell records his own beatboxing and neo-soul-ish vocals live, and then skillfully loops, weaves, and scratches the soundbytes, all while dancing and singing. I love dancing and singing! Especially dancing.

Despite the freeflowing Absolut in Miami, it was a tough crowd, braving harsh wind and torrential rains. Lidell was the only act who had everybody shaking their booty, singing along, and loving the hell out of it. One of those performers you just have to see live.

He's playing at Mezzanine in SF on June 29 with Edan and Nobody (and some other places, too). So solid. So much fun to be had. Check it out!

Even NPR likes him... wait, is that bad?

UPDATE: Jamie Lidell: the Pitchfork interview.

Meals from a Can, vol. 1

2006-06-07T16:56:00.000-07:00

You may scoff at eating entire meals out of cans, but I'm here to share a savory and satisfying recipe that you won't soon forget!

Cristy's Signature Salad #1

Ingredients:
1 can garbanzo beans
1 can artichoke hearts or hearts of palm
1 can diced tomatoes
extra-virgin olive oil (decent quality is best)
balsalmic vinegar (again, good quality stuff is ideal)
salt & pepper

Directions:
Open cans and drain. Dump contents into a bowl. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. You can also add other herbs and spices like garlic powder, italian herbs, savory seasoning mix, etc. Add oil and vinegar to taste (I usually end up using a tablespoon or two of each). Mix it up. Voila! A cool, refreshing, and hearty salad that lasts a few days in the fridge.

You're welcome.

What Did We Do, Baby, Without Us?

2006-06-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

While the Family Ties theme song may exhibit mash-like moments, don't ever doubt the sweetness of this pop cultural relic. Yet, Nick-at-Nite has inexplicably taken the Keaton family out of our lives and given us Full House's cringeworthy Tanners instead. Why?

Oh, how I miss the financial wizardry of Alex P. Keaton and the pimply growing pains of young Jen. And who could forget that lovable louse, Nick, who repeatedly charmed us with his hilarious, "Heeeeyyyy"?

Luckily, there's an important online petition that demands the return of Family Ties.

Never mind that the petition expired over two years ago. Let your voice be heard!
(by the four people, including me, who might read said petition)

The Mash Theory: A Breakdown

2006-06-05T15:08:00.000-07:00

Imagine the scene: Dusk. You are a young child anxiously awaiting your parents' return from work. You are slightly lonely, but mostly bored. You've been enjoying your Charles in Charge reruns all afternoon when suddenly the creepy melodies of the M.A.S.H. theme song fill the air. The TV screen takes on a distinctly greenish tinge. You shudder.
You have just experienced the Mash Effect/Affect.

That insidious feeling of olde timey discomfort and sepia-toned sentimentality perhaps best describes the MASH theory. But the shudder can take oh-so-many forms.

Some common MASH catalysts:
- The Andy Griffith Show (that god-forsaken whistle)
- The Spin Doctors: "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong"
- Richard Marx: any song
- Goodwill thrift stores, especially on a hot day
- Christmas day after all the presents have been opened (esp. between the ages of 10-15 yrs. old)
- Counting Crows: "Mr. Jones"
- Berkeley houses with faded political stickers in the windows
- Babies "R" Us
- Art Cars
- Candy Ravers
- Sunday afternoon TV when only football and Short Circuit 2 are on
- Bob's Big Boy (and most '50s-themed diners)
- Precious Moments figurines

Coined in late 1997, the MASH Theory originated in Santa Barbara, CA and is now widely used by sufferers coast-to-coast, from SF to LA, from New York to New Jersey.